I was reminded last night as to how important conversation is in a relationship. I started feeling distant to my best friend and I didn’t know why. It turns out that some things were said to her that made her that made her anxious about our friendship. She decided that she didn’t want to feel pressured about it so she was consciously putting herself in positions that would not make people wonder about “us”…
Only, she didn’t tell me this until five hours after the fact. I was hurt to some extent because I felt like all of a sudden, she didn’t want to be around me. So I went home feeling sad and thinking that my best friend was on the way to becoming a good friend.
When I found out this morning about the reason behind it all, the hurt was almost instantly gone. I still feel a little dejected, but I think that could be Satan trying to make me feel like I am “good for nothing”.
It has been said that every person has a wounded heart. Many times it is in response to their own father; either not getting affirmation or not feeling good enough, or something similar. I feel that mine is not so much the lack of affirmation from my father (or family – I felt that they were always there and willing to sacrifice anything for me), but more the feeling of rejection from peers. Before my family moved from Eagan, I was very outgoing and I had a lot of friends. When we moved to Park Rapids, I was an outcast. I pretty much fell into my shell and didn’t really start to come out until my first year of college. When I was forced to transfer to a different college, I fell back into my shell a little bit, although nothing like before. It wasn’t until three or four years ago that I finally came to the conclusion that I am accepted by someone that is cooler than the little cliques of “popular” people. I am somebody in Jesus. We are all somebody in Jesus.
We are living in a world at war. There is a spiritual battle raging around us all the time. Satan will try to use everything against us to make us fall. Each attack is specifically targeted to hit our own wound. Even though I know this and I truly believe it, I still fall at times and sometimes find it hard to get back up. I just have to remember that Philippians 4:13 (The Message) says “Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.” Jesus makes me who I am.